Having suffered through a toxic relationship once the road to mental health recovery can be long and difficult. This is because toxic relationships are deeply damaging to self esteem, the ability to trust and usually leave a victim feeling guilty. The majority of toxic relationships end badly and some can come with extra trauma as often one partner is enraged by the other walking away.
According to psychotherapist Kristen Fuller, M.D., most people have been in some form of toxic relationship in their life. This can have been with a family member, romantic partner or even a work associate. The after effects of the more severe toxic relationships, however, are usually a wake-up call to avoid toxicity in future connections essentially breaking free from being the victim of some else’s toxic nature.
Surround Yourself With Positivity
Gestalt therapy trainer Elinor Greenberg Ph.D. suggests that people should be aware of how the individuals they spend time with leave them feeling. Whatever the connection type with a person a few simple questions need to be asked about how they make you feel.
If someone makes you feel negatively about yourself, uninspired or less than you deserve they may be a toxic influence. On the other hand, if they entertain you, make you feel valued, build you up and support you then they may be a positive influence.
In order to break the cycle of toxic relationships it is important to avoid contact with people who leave you feeling negative and exhausted. This may be tricky if they are family but, in these situations, there is a need to maintain control over the situation and do not accept the negativity. Remember that walking away from toxicity is acceptable, do not let it regain influence over you.
Release Your Feelings of Shame
In so many cases upon leaving a toxic relationship a person feels it was their own fault, that they allowed this to happen to them. This is an unfair amount of blame to place on yourself. Love can create blinkers and before some people realize it, they have become stuck in a toxic situation. The blame lies squarely on the manipulation of the toxic partner. It is therefore vital to realize this and let go of any guilt surrounding what happened to you.
The reason that the guilt needs to be shed is that carrying a feeling of “I deserved to be treated badly” forward in life leaves an opening for other toxic people. The simple fact is no one deserves to be victimized by anyone and having fallen for it once you now know better.
Analyze What Happened With Friends or a Mental Health Professional
Very often when people have escaped a toxic relationship, they do not fully understand how things got so bad. Toxic relationships creep up on you generally because a controlling person is using your love as a weapon against you. This means that building a group of supportive friends who you can talk to or reaching out for professional help is vital.
A key component to breaking the cycle of toxicity is understanding the warning signs. People do not see them coming the first time but by going back and breaking down the behavior at play a deeper understanding is found. Realizing the manipulations that were used, how a partner separated you from your support system or how they made you feel weak will help you understand it is not your fault.
Final Thoughts
Working on self esteem and understanding that you were victimized are so vital to moving on and breaking the cycle of toxic relationships or a toxic marriage. Reclaim your life and understand that future partners must not be allowed to take over who you are.